


Would that I could do better by you

by mayoho



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Almost a coming of age story, Gen, This is sort of anti-shipper fic, Unrequited Dale Cooper/Audrey Horne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 17:23:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14140851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayoho/pseuds/mayoho
Summary: Audrey and Cooper find themselves alone in the very early morning. They make peace with some things. Audrey starts to grow up.





	Would that I could do better by you

Audrey walks through the empty public spaces of the Great Northern in the pre-dawn darkness. She’s always done this—gotten dressed up and wandered the halls—when she couldn’t sleep. And who could sleep when their father thought he was General Lee and was currently encamped in his office. She rounds a corner into the lounge closest to the main entrance, the one with the fireplace that’s lit all winter, and she isn’t a lone specter drifting through the halls anymore. She smiles on instinct.

“Agent Cooper!” Her voice is bright in a way she doesn’t feel, but she can’t quite help herself around the Special Agent. Even in a plaid flannel shirt and puffy vest, he looks other worldly, like he would belong more in a movie than a dull place like Twin Peaks.

“Audrey,” he responds without turning around. His tone sounds a lot like ‘leave me alone’. Not that long ago, really only a few days ago, she would have taken that as a challenge, but she remembers the conversation they had had as Agent Cooper folded his clothes into a suitcase, and she wants to be better, be a grown up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

Agent Cooper turns to look at her (through her) and Audrey finds she’s lost for words. In the fire light, his face is all cheekbones and eyes so dark the pupils meld with the irises. Even with the livid bruise on his cheek and the tight lines of exhaustion, he looks staggeringly perfect and untouchable. He smiles at her, but something about it makes him look sad.

“No, I’m sorry, Audrey. I’ve had a rough couple of days and haven’t slept in what feels like a week, but that’s no excuse for snapping at a friend that is clearly in no inconsiderable amount of distress.”

 _Friend_. Audrey can’t help the way her face lights up, but it makes Agent Cooper’s smile reach his eyes so she’s not ashamed. He takes a seat on the nearby couch, movements precise and economical, and gestures for her to join him. 

She sits against the opposite end of the couch, one foot tucked under her. “Agent Cooper—“

“You know I’m not a Federal Agent at the moment,” he looks off into middle distance as he says it.

“What should I call you then?” she’s never heard anyone call the man sitting next to her ‘Dale’--she’s been paying attention--and it seems presumptuous to assume she would be welcome to.

Agent Cooper’s lips quirk up slightly. “Most people call me Cooper. I never really liked the name Dale—it sounds like a character from a book for very small children.”

“Ok, _Cooper_ ,” it’s teasing, but you’re allowed to tease friends, aren’t you?

Cooper smiles and then looks at her very seriously, “Audrey, why don’t you tell me what has you up and wandering around the Great Northern at—“ he pauses to check his watch, “4:37 in the morning on a school night?”

“I couldn’t sleep. It’s nothing, I don’t want to bother you when...” she trails off when she realizes her fingers have reached out almost on their own accord to brush against the bruise on Cooper’s cheek, but she stops herself just before she touches him. He doesn’t move away, but his eyes are focused on her fingers and a slight frown creases his brow. She drops her hand to her lap.

“If it has you upset, it’s not nothing, Audrey,” Cooper’s voice is soft and resonant and he leans towards her ever so slightly.

“Whatever you’re going through isn’t nothing either, Cooper. I bet you’re the type of person who would rather fix other people’s problems than his own.” He looks taken aback for half a second before his features settle into thoughtfulness.

“Fine, I’ll go first,” Audrey give Cooper a look. “My father thinks he’s a Civil War General, and he’s hell bent on winning the War for the South. He’s got a costume and miniature soldiers and everything. Part of me thinks he’s done horrible things and deserves this, but he’s my father. And I think Dr Jacoby is a quack, so either my father snaps out of this on his own, or I figure out how to fix it.” It sounds so ridiculous it’s easy to smile to keep from crying.

“Compassion is never a weakness,” Cooper has a way of saying things that ought to be trite with complete and utter sincerity. “As for your more practical concerns, I sympathize with your feelings about Dr Jacoby, but in my experience his heart has been in the right place and I only have a bachelor's degree in psychology so would likely be of even less help.”

Audrey wants Cooper’s help, wants him there even if he can’t help, wants to know what he was like in college and even before that, but she sees the exhaustion in the circles under his eyes and the tight line of his shoulders. She can and will handle this on her own. She knows that now.

“Ok, your turn,” she says it like they’re playing a slumber party game, but she knows Cooper can see the seriousness in her eyes.

His shoulders hunch slightly and runs his hands over his face. “We had set up a sting operation to prove Jean Renault was framing me as a drug smuggler. It went—well it went badly and devolved into a hostage situation. I spent most of my evening trying to make piece with the fact that Jean Renault was likely to kill me, but I have some very smart, very clever, and very loyal friends so it turned out right in the end.”

“This was my fault, wasn’t it?” her voice comes of soft and squeaky.

“Oh no, Audrey don’t think that. Jean Renault blames me for his brother’s death.”

“How can you know?” 

Cooper studies her for a long moment and must come to the conclusion not to treat her with kid gloves. “Jean Renault told me before he clocked me in the face with the butt of his pistol. As they go, not a pleasant way to receive information.” Cooper’s nonchalance is almost frightening and Audrey finds she has to look at her hands knitted together in her lap for a long moment.

“There’s something else though, isn’t there?” She feels like she’s practicing for something.

Cooper smiles but it does nothing to diminish the sadness in his eyes. 

“Yes, there is. It concerns an ongoing investigation and I really can’t say more,” he pauses. “Sometimes, you do everything right and for the right reasons and it’s still hard when people get killed, but there are moments when you have to wonder if you had done things differently... when people get hurt, or die, under those circumstances, it’s even more difficult to handle. Audrey, you are clever and perceptive. Every law enforcement agency ought to be fighting to recruit you, but I would ask that you think long and hard about what you want. There is no glamor in this line of work.”

She studies Cooper closely. She wants to be angry, but she finds no evidence that he’s being patronizing. She says the next thing that floats to the surface of her mind--it's been lingering in the background for days, “Can someone really just be friends when they're in love with the other person?”

Cooper seems unperturbed by the sudden change in conversation topic, “I like to think we all possess the self control to be friends with the people we’re sexually attracted to but can’t be with for one reason or another, but ‘in love’ is a somewhat more complicated matter.” He looks wistful, and she wonders if he’s thinking of Caroline.

“I’m not sure I have the experience to know the difference.” In that moment Audrey understands why Cooper might genuinely not want to be involved with her, that--though it must be a large part--this isn’t just a matter of morality. “It might be best if we see less of each other for a while.”

“Audrey, I understand completely.” She wants him to to be disappointed—this, she understands, is cruel; she will be better—but he just looks impossibly tired.

She wraps him up in a hug when he stands; she can’t help herself. He doesn’t pull back until she convinces herself to loosen her arms (which is difficult). As he walks away, he turns back and gives her a tight smile. She returns it and walks in the other direction. For the first time, Audrey feels like an adult.

**Author's Note:**

> I remember watching Twin Peaks for the first time and being like, audibly, 'oh no' when Audrey ended up naked in Cooper's bed. I was certain Cooper was better than that even if I wasn't sure at the time that the show agreed with me, and I'm glad Kyle MacLachlan thought so to (if it was because he was dating Lara Flynn Boyle or a sincere feeling about the character, I will take what I can get). Also, I promise I'm not judging you if you ship this, their unresolved sexual tension is one of my favorite things in the show. I just really wanted it to stay unresolved. I also wanted a more satisfying pseudo-arc than the characters just... not interacting with each other anymore. 
> 
> There's a moment where the script version of Audrey and Cooper's relationship really diverge from what you see on screen--in Episode 17, after Audrey says "There's only one problem with you. You're perfect." Cooper is supposed to say "Sometimes it's a burden" but what we get in the episode is MacLachlan making this face that is a lot closer to "I am definitely not perfect" than anything else.
> 
> Yeah, I've been spending way too much time reading Twin Peaks scripts, but also not enough, because I am not entirely certain this works with the established timeline of the show, but I'm sure it's close. It's very hard to keep track of exactly what happens when. 
> 
> Con-crit welcome!


End file.
